An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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