Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
