I think I died a long time ago.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
