I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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