He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
