What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
