if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Never underestimate the power of titties
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
