Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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