i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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