I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
