those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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