I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
