Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
