I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
