how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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