NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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