I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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