and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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