sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
