he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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