4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
