did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
whose parrot is this?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
