can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
