My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
