Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
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Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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