Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
