just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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