'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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