then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
