She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
