and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
