I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
