Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
