I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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