I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
