Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
farters have to be the big spoon...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
