I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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