I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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