Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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