While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
