hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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