we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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