yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
