I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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