Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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