grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
