apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
