A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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