I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
