you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
