Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
