I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
