I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
