just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
