i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
