I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
