I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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