I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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