Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
