Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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