You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
