You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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