How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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