There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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