Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
