you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
