Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My vagina just clenched in fear
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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