Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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