booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
